Downfall
by McAbbyAddict
Summary: A team member returns after a prolonged absence. What made him leave? And what happens when he returns? COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: This is a fairly short story, and it's *almost* finished. I know I really shouldn't post it as I already have too many WIPs, but I just couldn't resist. There's probably about 6 chapters all up- I've written 4 so far. This isn't a songfic, but I got the idea from a song called 'Be My Downfall' by Del Amitri. Hope you like it; the first chapter is really short. F.  
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**Disclaimer: I own nothing about NCIS. Pity.  
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He looked up at the building in front of him and sighed. It had been almost two years since he'd worked here. Two years since he'd been part of Gibbs' team. Two years since he'd ripped part of himself away and transferred, leaving against his will and disappointing the team that he'd worked so hard to be assigned to. Not that they blamed him; it had been the only solution to a difficult situation. He sighed again. Most of them hadn't blamed him, at least. He wondered if she'd forgiven him for leaving; surely she couldn't keep a grudge for two years? He knew he'd hurt her, but he hadn't had a choice. Working here had been killing him slowly.

And now he'd returned, temporarily at least. The Director had insisted that this time, whatever special job he had in mind couldn't be done over a computer link. So here he was, trying to gather the nerve to walk into a building that used to be like home to him. He promised himself he wouldn't look at his old desk as he walked through the squad room. Squaring his shoulders, he walked through the main entrance, passed through security and boarded the elevator. He was early for his appointment with Vance; by design. He wanted to get upstairs before any of his old teammates spotted him.

As soon as the elevator doors opened, he saw he'd misjudged his timing. One of the four desks in the bullpen was occupied. He swallowed. There was nothing for it. He paused at the edge of the occupied desk, waiting a moment for the man seated there to register his presence. Soon he raised his head, a question obviously on his lips. As he took in the identity of the visitor, his face split into a wide smile and he stood up from the desk in surprise.

"Probie?"

Tony was around the desk in a moment, grabbing McGee in a quick bear hug

"What are you doing here?"

McGee shrugged. "Vance called me late last night, told me to report at 0700."

"Man, it's been what. Over a year since you left?"

"Two years, Tony. Almost."

"It's good to see you, Probie."

Before he could reply, someone spoke from behind him

"Morning, Tony"

He froze. He knew that voice; it had haunted his dreams for years. Steeling himself, he slowly turned and looked at the woman he'd once asked to marry him.

Abby.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow, I'm a little overwhelmed at the response to the first chapter. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and alerted; I just hope you enjoy this chapter. F.**

Her jaw dropped a little in surprise.

"Tim? Oh my god, Tim!"

Always impulsive, she threw herself against him. As he crushed her to his chest, it was like the previous two years had disappeared. He remembered everything about her. The way she smelled, faintly acrid from the lab chemicals, the cordite and sulphur of her gunpowder perfume, the faint sweetness that was all Abby; the softness of her alabaster skin; the way it felt to kiss her, to make love to her. He forced himself to bury that memory, quickly letting her go, knowing that Tony was watching with interest. Doing his best to act normally in spite of the unexpected rush of feeling, he took a small step backwards and smiled at her awkwardly, unsettled by running into the one person he'd hoped to avoid. He made his meeting with Vance an excuse to leave, even though he knew he still had 5 minutes before he had to be upstairs.

...

Vance's dimly-remembered secretary wasn't at her desk. He stood outside the inner door, needing a moment to collect himself. He raised his hand, tapped lightly on the steel clad door and was admitted instantly.

"Special Agent McGee. Thank you for coming at such short notice. Shut the door."

He complied; turning back to the Director, he caught movement in his peripheral vision and was surprised to see Gibbs seated at the conference table. He grinned and nodded at his old boss before giving his attention to Vance.

"Agent Gibbs' team has been working at breaking a major espionage case; we suspect a high-ranking naval officer has been selling military secrets, but we've been unable to pinpoint the leak." He paused. "Last night we got a break in the case. We arrested a Commander James Hansen. He had this."

Vance reached into a desk drawer and pulled out a battered looking laptop. "It's encrypted. I need you to find out what information is on here so we can track down who he's passing information to."

"Surely Cybercrimes-"

Vance cut him off. "Hansen works on some highly classified material. There's only one person in the Cybercrimes unit that has a high enough security clearance."

Gibbs finished off the problem. "He's on our short list of suspects."

Vance stood. "I'm putting you on TAD with Gibbs' team until we get this sorted out. Report only to myself or Agent Gibbs. Understood?"

"Yes sir" McGee bobbed his head in agreement, before leaving the room with the laptop tucked under his arm.

He started slowly down the steps before being halted by Gibbs' voice

"McGee."

He turned, seeing the older agent one step behind him.

"This going to be a problem?"

Knowing exactly what Gibbs was referring to and choosing to misunderstand him, McGee shook his head. "No, Boss. Just gotta make a phone call."

Gibbs' piercing blue stare assessed him for a moment, before he nodded and continued down the stairs.

"Hey; you coming or what, McGee?" Gibbs called after him. Shaking his head, McGee hurried down the last few stairs, then halted at the edge of the bullpen.

"Ah; where can I set up, Boss?" he asked. Gibbs flicked a hand in the direction of the desk across from him. McGee's old desk. Sighing, he allowed himself to look at his old workstation, noticing that it appeared clean but unused, bare of personal effects. He set the laptop down noting that the mouse sat to the left of the keyboard. The thought crossed his mind that it was exactly like he'd left it; he dismissed it as nonsensical. It had been two years; there was no way he hadn't been replaced. Sitting down at the desk brought back memories. How pleased he'd been when Gibbs had assigned him a permanent desk; coming back from LA to find Abby had decorated it while he'd been gone; clearing it out and walking out of the squad room with two packing cartons and tears in his eyes.

He shook his head a little, annoyed with himself for letting the memories return. He was here to do a job, then he could get out of this building with its painful associations and go home to Norfolk. He opened the laptop, plugging it in and turning it on. While he waited for it to boot, he pulled out his cell and made a call. He got her voicemail; he knew he would, Kathy was on duty by now. They'd been dating a few months; he'd told her last night that he'd only be gone for the day. Knowing that Tony would be doing his best to overhear, he kept his message simple and discreet.

"Hey, it's me. They need me here for a few days. I'll call you when I know where I'm staying."

Hanging up, he turned back around to find Tony and Ziva watching him quizzically. Gibbs explained.

"McGee is going to be with us for a few days."

...

They waited until Gibbs had left on one of his unexplained absences before they commented on his presence. Checking to make sure McGee was absorbed in the computer he was working on, Ziva spoke to Tony across the bullpen

"So; does Abby know he is here?"

McGee shot her a look.

"I've already seen her, Ziva" he told her.

"Oh. Do you like our new Abby?" she queried, a small smile on her face.

"New Abby?" he raised his head and looked at her, interested in spite of himself.

"Well, yeah. She changed a lot after you left, Probie." Tony told him.

"How so?"

""She was really quiet for a long time... she's softer now. Gentler. I dunno."

"Sadder" Ziva put in. Tony shot her an irritated glance, while McGee tried not to wince at the pain he'd caused. "She grew up a little, I think." Tony explained.

He was silenced by Gibbs' return. McGee tried to focus on the computer he was working on, but his concentration was gone. She'd seemed like the same Abby when he'd seen her before; the hug was typical Abby. Had his leaving affected her that much? She'd told him that she loved him, and he'd believed her; he'd wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. But his proposal had been the beginning of the end; she'd pushed him further and further away until he doubted that she cared. Even on that last night, when he'd gone to the lab to say goodbye, she'd been cold, dismissive. Now he had to wonder if he'd misjudged her.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Ok, I know I originally said this was going to be roughly 6 chapters. However, at the moment I'm partway into Chapter 5 and I'm not yet near the ending I want. So this might end up longer, lol. Why do I find it harder to write a short story than a long one?**

**Also, after reading your feedback I've realised I really need to write more about Kathy. Thanks to everyone who has read, and every one who has reviewed :)  
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It was a relief to be interrupted by a voice calling his name. A little startled, he looked up to find Ducky standing in front of the desk. A smile of genuine pleasure crossed his face at the sight of the elderly ME.

"Ducky!"

"I heard a rumour that you were back in the building, dear boy."

"Well, it's just temporary Ducky. What brings you upstairs? Gibbs is out in the field."

"Actually, I was hoping you'd join us for lunch."

"Who is 'we'?"

"Myself, Mr. Palmer and Abigail." Ducky replied.

McGee hesitated. While he'd welcome the chance to catch up with Ducky and Palmer, the inclusion of Abby made him pause. Ducky caught the dubious look on his face.

"Come on Timothy, you do have to eat."

Sighing, he capitulated, locking the laptop away in the desk.

...

They went to a cafe a short distance away from the Yard; it had long been a favourite haunt of NCIS agents. Settling at a table on the sidewalk, Ducky managed to keep the conversation on comparatively safe subjects like McGee's work at Norfolk and some of the cases the MCRT had worked on lately. Palmer announced proudly that he was due to graduate from medical school at the end of the current semester; and McGee learned, to his surprise, that he hadn't been replaced on Gibbs' team.

"Vance tried assigning people to the team in the beginning, but none of them lasted very long." Abby explained. McGee could imagine; he remembered trying to replace Ziva when they thought she was dead. "Eventually he just stopped trying; or Gibbs refused to take anyone else."

"Or Agent Gibbs scared them off" Palmer put in. They all looked at him.

"You can't still be scared of him" McGee said in disbelief, then watched as the ME's assistant went slowly red.

"Apparently he can" Abby observed.

They were distracted from teasing Palmer further by the arrival of their food.

...

The waitress had only just cleared their plates when Ducky's cell rang. Answering it, he got up from the table and walked a few steps away. He returned a few moments later.

"Agent Balboa needs our services. I am sorry." He smiled at Abby and McGee. "Do come down and visit before you return to Norfolk, Timothy. Come, Mr. Palmer."

McGee blinked at their sudden departure.

"Well, that was abrupt."

He smiled a little at Abby voicing his exact thought. She'd always been able to do that. But sitting here remembering the things that had been so good about them was dangerous, he reminded himself. Inadvertently he caught her gaze, their eyes locking for a moment. He'd forgotten how beautiful she was; it made his breath catch a little.

"I should go" he told her softly, not making any attempt to stand.

"Me too" she replied, not moving. She paused for a beat. "I missed you, Timmy." Quickly he reconsidered. The memories of them weren't nearly as dangerous as she was. He half smiled. "No one's called me that in two years."

"Is that all?" she asked, sounding miffed. A little exasperated, he replied "What do you want me to say, Abs? That leaving was the hardest thing I've ever done? That I thought of you every day for months afterwards? Because it was, Abby, and I did."

"You didn't have to leave, Tim."

"I couldn't stay, Abby. Not the way things were. Besides, there wasn't much left to keep me here." He tried not to sound bitter; two years was long enough to be over the worst of the hurt, but this wasn't something he'd spoken openly about since leaving Washington.

"There was me, Timmy."

"Was there really?" He continued before she could reply "I asked you to marry me, Abs, and that finished us."  
>"I never said no."<p>

"No, you just never said anything." He sighed. "Look, I don't want to fight. Let's talk about something else, ok?"

"Fine." There was a suggestion of gritted teeth about the word. He racked his brain for a less dangerous conversational topic. One occurred to him.

"How are Sister Rosita, and the nuns?"

He was rewarded by seeing her eyes light up and her shoulders relax as she launched into a complicated story about her bowling team.

The walk back to the Yard began in a slightly awkward silence. He could tell she was still a little annoyed with him; partway back, he looked down at her. "Look, Abby, I'm sorry about before. I'm only in town for a few days; I don't want to spend them fighting with you. I shouldn't have brought it up." He saw the corner of her mouth quirk and knew she was over her annoyance. "And I did miss you, Abs."


	4. Chapter 4

McGee sighed as he settled at his desk and unlocked the drawer where he'd put the laptop. The strangeness of yesterday had been followed by an even more disturbed night. He'd rejected the offers of a place to stay from Tony, Ducky, and surprisingly, Gibbs, opting instead to stay in a hotel a short distance from the Navy Yard. He'd told them all that he didn't want to impose; truth be told, he wanted a chance to be alone, to think about the events of the day. He'd called Kathy after he'd checked in, telling her how long he expected to be away and some vague information about the case. He talked about working with Gibbs' team again, feeling somehow compelled to avoid any mentions of Abby. It was only after he'd hung up that he'd wondered why. He hadn't done anything that should make him feel guilty when talking to Kathy; and skirting around the truth was a bad idea. He'd never been a convincing liar, and she was smart, very smart. She would have known there were holes in his retelling.

He'd had a sudden mental image of her, dark brown hair caught back in neat braids, the way it was when she was in her Navy uniform, eyes narrowed a little the way they did when she concentrated. He'd seen her like that a few times in his capacity as an NCIS federal agent; he'd had to investigate when she'd reported that another programmer in her department had been trying to sell classified programs. The programmer had been charged with trying to sell valuable sonar systems data, and been dishonourably discharged.

Trying to decide why he hadn't mentioned Abby had led to thinking about her, something he hadn't done for months. He'd lain awake for hours, staring at the ceiling, aching for her. He'd thought he was over that; thought he was over her. And he cursed the Director for bringing him back to Washington.

Consequently he was in a bad mood when he arrived at headquarters.

...

By midmorning, he had to admit that the lack of sleep had ruined his concentration. Adding in the fact that he wasn't used to working with a constant stream of conversation going on around him anymore, he knew he wasn't going to get anywhere with the computer today if he stayed in the bullpen. He needed somewhere quieter to work; the sub-basement level where Cybercrimes was housed was out, due to the suspicions surrounding that department; the conference rooms weren't an option either, not when he didn't really need one. That left only one other place where he'd ever been able to concentrate, though 'quiet' definitely didn't come into its description. Abby's lab.

He resisted that particular idea for as long as he was able; but after yet another argument between Tony and Ziva, his patience was at an end. Snapping the lid of the laptop closed, he unplugged it from the power supply and stood up. He knew they were watching him as he entered the elevator. Right now, he didn't really care.

He paused in the doorway to the lab. It looked pretty much the same as it had two years ago; the main difference was the music. It took him a moment to realise what it was; then it occurred to him that it wasn't being played at its customary ear-splitting volume. And while the music itself was definitely in the same genre he remembered, it was less frenetic and somehow gentler.

"I heard the elevator ding, McGee. What do you need?" she asked over her shoulder.

He took a couple of steps into the lab. "How did you know it was me?"  
>"Because you're the only one that ever stood there and waited for me; everyone else just comes right in. So, what do you need?"<p>

"Actually, I was hoping I could borrow some bench space. It's kinda hard to concentrate upstairs."

She gave him a knowing look. "Tony and Ziva fighting?"

"Constantly."

She chewed on her lower lip for a moment. "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

He knew what she was remembering. The last time they'd been in the lab together, other than the night he left, they'd accidentally destroyed evidence in the midst of the worst argument they'd ever had. He could still remember the sound of the glass vial shattering on the hard floor; to this day he still didn't know which one of them had knocked it off the table. Gibbs had banned him from the lab for months.

"How about if I promise to stay away from any evidence? Except this computer." He held up the laptop. She flicked her hand in the direction of what used to be 'his spot'; the right hand side of her main workstation. "You can set up there."

"Thanks Abs." He grinned at her as he slid onto the seat and opened the laptop.

...

She interrupted him a few hours later as he was in the middle of trying to work out how to break the encryption he was stuck on.

"McGee. You're grumbling."

"Huh? Oh, sorry Abs. I'm just trying to figure this out. I got through the last 2 levels without any problems, but I can't seem to get this one."

"Let me see." Without warning, she was leaning over the back of his chair, her eyes intent on the screen in front of him. He tensed, trying not to react to her sudden proximity even while his heart rate soared. "Huh" she said, half under her breath. Then louder "Get rusty in Norfolk, McGee?" She turned her head to look at him. "It's a logic bomb, Tim." He caught his breath as she reached around him to type furiously on the laptop keyboard. This was torture. "Abs..." her nickname came out as a half groan. She looked back at him questioningly, and then disengaged herself from him. "Sorry, Tim." She held his gaze for a beat longer than necessary, her green eyes dark, and for a moment he could have sworn it was deliberate. Then she turned back to the laptop. "See; I told you it was a logic bomb."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Short one, but important I think. I've been trying to upload this since yesterday- anyone else having problems with the website? **

**As of today I'm on leave from work- not sure how much I'll get written, so posts from me might be a little patchy for the next week or so. **

**Enjoy! F.  
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The spell broken, he forced himself to concentrate on the laptop and the information they'd just revealed. It took him a few minutes of searching, but finally he found what he was looking for. Clicking the laptop closed, he stood up; he had to go and find Gibbs.

"Thanks, Abs-I'll see you later."

...

Gibbs was at his desk when McGee re-entered the bullpen. He set the laptop down and opened it.

"Boss, I've got something here."

Instantly Gibbs was on his feet, coming to stand over McGee's shoulder.

"Hansen had a bunch of emails on his laptop; when we decrypted them, we found these." He brought up the relevant ones. "They're only partial but it looks like routing information for shipping nuclear fuel rods."

"Where'd he send the emails to?"  
>"I'm not sure Boss. I could trace the information in the header."<p>

"Do it."  
>"On it, Boss."<p>

He set to work, then became gradually aware that Tony was watching him.

"Who's 'we', Probie?"

"What?"

"You said, 'when we decrypted them.' So who's 'we'?"

"Abby helped" he said shortly. "Do you mind? I need to get this done." He turned his full attention back to the screen, ignoring the look Tony exchanged with Ziva.

...

The email was bounced halfway around the world. He almost lost the trace twice- once in Portugal and once in Luxembourg- but finally he followed it to its intended destination. Then it was a simple matter of finding out who lived at the address he tracked it to.

"Boss, I got it" he called out, scribbling the address down. "The email went through 15 different countries; I followed it through Italy, the Netherlands, Portugal..." he encountered Gibbs' stare; it was as intimidating as he remembered. "Not important. The address is in Georgetown, registered to a Trent Bishop." He handed Gibbs the slip of paper. Gibbs glanced at it before calling out to the rest of his team. "Grab your gear."

McGee watched the others get ready to go into the field with a pang. He hadn't worked a major crime scene in two years; it was one of the many things he missed, working at the Norfolk field office. Watching the team move out without him was something he could've done without.

"Hey!"

He looked back up to see Gibbs holding the elevator.

"You coming?"

Surprised, he picked up his pack and grabbed his weapon, dashing for the elevator. He couldn't hide his grin as the doors closed.

...

The team returned with bags full of evidence, but no suspect; there'd been no sign of their quarry. It was late when they got back to headquarters; McGee should have been tired from his lack of sleep the night before, but instead he felt strangely exhilarated and sad at the same time. Working the scene had been like old times, right up to Tony's endless teasing; this time about how rusty he was. Gibbs had made him take photos of the house; privately McGee agreed with Tony. The camera had felt odd in his hands, and he knew that some of the photos he'd taken weren't good; he hated to think how much he would have missed if Gibbs had told him to bag and tag. It had felt good to be back in the field; it was what he'd always wanted.

He sat down at his desk and pulled out the computer they'd retrieved from Bishop's house, glad that Tony had taken the rest of the evidence down to Abby. Working down there today had been a mistake; he'd known it would be, but he'd done it anyway. The trouble was, it was too easy to fall into old habits, and he'd spent years working alongside Abby exactly as he had today. She was dangerous, he reminded himself. It had taken him a long time to put his life back together; he couldn't jeopardise that. Resolving to stay away from her until he was recalled to Norfolk, he opened the lid of the new laptop and set to work.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Wow, it's been a while since I posted. Thanks for your patience, everyone. I hope you like this chapter. F. **

His resolve lasted a day.

Time was behaving in the strangest way; running molasses-slow as he struggled through each new encryption on Bishop's computer, and speeding up as the pieces of the puzzle came together. As the encryptions became harder to crack, he wavered. Many times he was on the point of picking up the laptop and taking it downstairs to Abby's lab. Somehow he managed to talk himself out of it every time.

He was through the last wall now. Avidly, he absorbed the information he'd uncovered, setting up traces on the email addresses Bishop had communicated with. He was in his element. Nothing he did at Norfolk had the thrill of this, and his computer skills were never called on for anything more than the most basic of problems. Maybe Abby was right, maybe he was getting rusty up in Norfolk. He should have seen that logic bomb. He pushed the stray thought aside.

Finally in the late afternoon, he had it. Conclusive evidence that Bishop had been a small fish in a very big pond. Abruptly he stood up from his desk, going in search of Gibbs. The team leader had left his desk a short while before, not giving any explanation of where he was going. McGee checked his usual haunts, finding him outside of Autopsy.

"Boss, you're gonna want to see this" McGee told him, knowing that Gibbs would follow him back to the squad room.

He brought the information he needed up on the plasma screen. Doing his best to avoid the more technical (and less legal) aspects of what he'd done, he walked Gibbs and the team through the trail he'd uncovered. Bishop had been an important part of a wider organisation, an information gatherer. He'd collected classified data from various sources, passing it further up the chain. McGee glossed over exactly how he'd managed to follow the flow of information up the chain, knowing that Gibbs frowned on hacking unless it was for Gibbs' purposes. Finally he concluded, telling his former team that he'd traced the ultimate destination of the emailed information to a residence in France; its owner, Jacques Burdet, was suspected to have links to multiple terrorist organisations.

"That takes it out of our jurisdiction" a calm voice observed. Startled, McGee looked up, surprised to see the Director making his way down the stairs into the bullpen.

...

And just like that, it was over. Vance announced that as Burdet was a civilian, he'd be turning the case over to the French authorities; and McGee's time on TAD was finished. He quietly packed his few things into his backpack, knowing that Tony and Ziva were doing the same thing. The difference was that they'd be back in the morning, and he'd be back at Norfolk. He put the last of his effects into the bag and zipped it, looking up to see Tony and Ziva in front of the desk. Gibbs sat across the bullpen, watching him.

"Well, I guess that's it" he said.

Tony held out his hand. "Take care of yourself, Probie."

Ziva gave him a rare hug and a simple 'goodbye' before they both left for the night. He shouldered his pack, pausing in front of Gibbs' desk. "See ya, Boss" he said quietly, before turning and heading to the elevator. He'd go downstairs and see Ducky and Palmer, then Abby before going back to his hotel. He wouldn't be expected back at Norfolk until tomorrow.

Saying goodbye to Ducky was never a short affair. Palmer was nowhere to be seen; by the time he left Autopsy, Abby's lab was darkened. He toyed with the idea of going over to her place to say goodbye, then dismissed it as a bad idea. He'd call her; she'd be annoyed, but he couldn't help that.

He got as far as his car before realising he'd left the hotel key in the desk drawer. Sighing, he went back inside, getting back in the elevator to the squad room. The floor was in darkness; everyone had left for the night while he talked to Ducky. He quickly found what he was looking for, then lingered a minute, wishing that things were different and he'd be back here in the morning. He liked his job at Norfolk, but he'd loved his job here. He and Abby had found out the hard way why Gibbs had Rule Twelve.

He was distracted from his thoughts by the soft 'ding' of the elevator, looking up to see Abby making her way towards him.

"I hear you're going back to Norfolk."

He nodded. "TAD is finished; they don't need me here anymore."

She made a dismissive sound in the back of her throat. "Yes they do, Timmy. You should be here, not up in Norfolk."

"I can't come back, Abs."

"Why not, Timmy? Tony and Ziva and Gibbs; they need you back. I need you back." He heard the ding; over her head he saw Palmer getting out of the elevator and heading their way. He swallowed against the lump in his throat, telling her gently "You know why, Abs."

There was so much he wanted to ask her, but Palmer was at her elbow wanting to say something. So he smiled and said goodbye, wishing that Palmer had gotten off that elevator just a few minutes later. He caught the hurt in her green eyes before she walked away. Sighing, he turned his attention to Palmer.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Ok, I think some of you have gotten slightly the wrong idea about the end of Abby and Tim's relationship in this story; I guess it hasn't quite come out the way I wanted it to. So hopefully this clears things up a little. F.**

McGee was wide awake.

When he'd finally left headquarters, he'd been on the point of falling asleep, and he'd wanted nothing more than a hot shower and some rest. He'd crawled gratefully into bed and closed his eyes, but sleep wouldn't come. His mind kept replaying his conversation with Abby before they'd been interrupted by Palmer. She'd told him she needed him back; he wondered what she'd meant by it. Did she need him back as her friend and colleague? Or as something else? Did she want him back in her life the way they'd been before? Did he want her back? He'd built himself a new life, a new place without her. And there was one question that had been haunting him for two years. He hadn't asked it before he left, unable to ask without it sounding bitter and making things even worse.

Throwing back the covers, he got out of bed and pulled on the clothes he'd left unpacked for the morning drive back to base.

...

He spent the drive across town trying to convince himself to turn the car around. This was a bad idea, and she was dangerous to him. He tried to think of Kathy, tried to tell himself that he shouldn't be visiting ex-girlfriends in the middle of the night. But try as he might he couldn't bring her face to mind; all he could see was green eyes and alabaster skin.

He pulled into the parking lot under her building and sat in the car for a moment, still trying to talk himself out of this. Finally he sighed and got out, knowing this had been inevitable from the moment Ducky and Palmer had gotten up from the table at lunch. He shouldn't be here; he knew that. But he couldn't stay away. Two years ago, he'd left without an answer, and he couldn't do it again. He knocked on her door, shifting nervously as he waited for her to open it. She looked surprised to see him on her doorstep. "Timmy. What are you doing here? I thought you had to go back to Norfolk."

He nodded. "In the morning. Can I come in?" He could see the bafflement on her face even as she stood back to let him past. He heard the click of the lock as she closed the door before he turned around to look at her."I need to ask you something, Abs. I should have asked you two years ago, but I didn't. I thought I knew, but then I came back and I saw you and worked with you, and now I really need to know." He paused for a moment, knowing he'd just confused her even more. "Why didn't you ever answer me?"

The look on her face changed to one of trouble and hurt as she considered his question. He gave her a moment then asked again more gently this time. "Why didn't you answer me?"

"Because I was scared, McGee." She spoke softly; he could barely hear her. "I was used to being the girl that guys went out with out of rebellion. And I get that; they see the tatts and the makeup and dog collar and they take me out to shock their mothers. And then you came along, and all you wanted was to be with me. Not because you wanted to scare anybody, but just because. And then you asked me to marry you, and I was terrified, Tim. I kept pushing you away and I knew I was hurting you but I didn't know how to stop... and then you left."

Dry-mouthed and a little stunned, he asked the question, half of him not wanting to know the answer.

"If I'd stayed..."  
>"I would have said yes, Tim."<p>

The complete seriousness of her face and voice made him believe her. He bowed his head as the implications hit him like a tidal wave. He'd been the one that had ultimately destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to him; it hadn't been her fault. She'd been terrified, and he'd been too blind to see what was wrong.

"God, Abs..." he reached out and pulled her into a hug, wishing he could take back what he'd done and that he could undo the pain he'd caused. "I'm so sorry." He felt her shift a little in his arms, raising her head to look at him. "I love you, McGee" she whispered.

Without thinking, he bent his head and kissed her.


	8. Chapter 8

McGee lay awake in Abby's coffin. Abby herself was asleep, head resting on his shoulder. It felt so good to hold her like this, but inside his gut was churning. And he knew why.

Guilt.

He hadn't intended on sleeping with Abby; it had just happened. He had no resistance when it came to Abby. Now he found himself caught between a rock and a hard place. No one at Headquarters knew about Kathy- precious few people knew about Kathy at all. And that included Abby.

So now what did he do? He had to go back to Norfolk later this morning. Did he tell Kathy what he'd done? Did he give Abby up again? His arm tightened around her at the thought. No, he couldn't give her up, not again. He cared for Kathy; but he loved Abby. And did he tell Abby about Kathy, and risk losing her?

He was still turning the questions over in his mind as he fell asleep.

...

He woke again in the early morning. Abby was still asleep on his shoulder. He smiled; she looked so peaceful. He had a few minutes before he really had to get up; his mind returned to the problems of the night before. This time it was easy to make a decision. As hard as it was, he had to tell Abby about Kathy. He wouldn't lie to her and risk her finding out by herself at some later point. He'd hurt her badly enough as it was.

She stirred against him. Her eyes fluttered open, and she gave him a blank look for a moment. Then her face broke into a smile. "Tim."

"Morning, Abs" he responded.

"What time is it?"

"Just on 6am" he told her. "I have to go." Her smile dimmed. "You have to go back to Norfolk." He nodded. "Yeah, Abs, I do. I have to report in before lunchtime." He took a deep breath. It was now or never. "Abby, about last night..."

...

His mind constantly replayed the scene in Abby's apartment on the drive back to Norfolk; it was like it was on an infinite loop. He'd told her loved her; then as simply and as honestly as he could, he'd told her about Kathy. It hadn't gone well, as he knew it wouldn't. She'd been hurt and angry; finally she'd practically ordered him to leave.

Now he was on his way back to Norfolk, and at the other end of the long drive he'd have to hurt someone else he cared about.

...

He called Kathy as soon as he got back to his small apartment near base. He'd gone straight to the NCIS field office and reported in, then spent the afternoon on a routine matter. His work here had never seemed so... boring. He'd gotten used to it after 2 years, but his few days with the MCRT had brought back memories of more exciting duties.

He asked her if he could come right over, not wanting to put off this conversation any longer than he had to, then put down the phone receiver with a sense of dread.

Kathy was still in her uniform when he got to her apartment, and he could see from the look on her face that she knew something wasn't right. Always forthright, she ignored the small talk and cut to the chase.

"What's wrong, Tim?"

He sighed. "Do you remember me telling you about the team I used to work with? Gibbs, Tony and Ziva... and Abby?"

"Sure."

"Well, I never told you, but... Abby and I were together."

Her eyes were wary. "How... Just a fling, together, or seriously, together?"

"I asked her to marry me" he admitted. "Not long before I transferred here."

"She said no?" There was a small amount of hope on her voice. He shook his head. "She never answered me, and I left." He took a deep breath. "I found out last night that she would have said yes if I'd stayed."

"What happened?" her voice was slightly strangled, and he knew that he'd just be confirming her suspicions. "Things... got out of hand" he admitted. "I never meant for this to happen, Kathy, and I'm sorry."

She sat in silence for a minute before speaking, making him increasingly nervous at her reaction. Then-

"Do you love her?"

He paused a moment before answering, knowing that she was going to be hurt no matter what he said. He could say that he didn't, but it wasn't fair on Kathy to be endlessly dreaming of someone else. Or he could tell her the truth- that he loved Abby. That he'd never stopped loving her, despite everything they'd been through. He nodded. "Yeah, Kathy, I do."

For the second time that day, he was thrown out of a woman's apartment.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: This is quite possibly the shortest chapter I've ever posted. Sorry, guys- the next will be longer and more interesting, I promise. Enjoy! F.**

The ringing of his cell phone woke McGee from an exhausted sleep. Groggily, he picked it up and squinted at the caller id. He raised an eyebrow at the name on the screen. Tony.

"Hello?"

"Probie, what the hell did you do? You were here for what? 3 days? And Abby looks like she did after you left!"

McGee dropped his head. He'd been worried about this. "Tony-"

"Something happened between you two, didn't it?"

"Yeah, Tony, it did."

"What is wrong with you, McScrewup? She's spent two years picking up the pieces after you left!"

Nettled, he responded angrily. "Do you think I don't know that? I didn't mean for anything to happen, but it did and I can't change that."

"Wait a second... if something happened, why is Abby so- unAbby?"

He sighed. "Because, until about 5 hours ago, I had a girlfriend."

Tony's voice became dangerously quiet. "And you told Abby that?"

"I wasn't going to lie to her, Tony."

There was silence at the other end of the phone as Tony digested that one. McGee tensed, waiting for the explosion. But it never came. Instead, he said resignedly "I guess you're right there."

"Is she ok, Tony?"

"Not really. The lab is quiet, but it's not just that... she doesn't seem sad, just...preoccupied. I dunno. So what happens now?"

"That's up to Abby."

...

The next few days passed in a blur. The next day, Friday, he spent trying not to think of Abby while he worked. He tried calling her a few times, but she never picked up. Finally he left a message on her machine, telling her that he'd broken up with Kathy and that he was sorry.

He knew from experience that it was easier not to think of Abby if he had something else to do, so he volunteered for the weekend duty. Strangely, it seemed like he missed her more now than he had when he first arrived at Norfolk. It was easier, somehow, when he believed that she didn't love him.

When he wasn't working, or dreaming about Abby, he was thinking about their breakup two years ago. As hard as it was, he had to face the fact that the emotional hell he'd been through- that they'd been through- was his creation. His heart ached at the thought of the pain he'd caused Abby. He hadn't been there for her when she needed him most, and as much as he wanted to spend the rest of his life trying to make that up to her, that wasn't up to him.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Ok, I know I said this chapter would be longer; I ended up having to separate it, otherwise this chapter would have been over 2000 words. This is the second last chapter. Thanks for reading :)**

The days dragged by. Soon a week had passed since his return from Washington, and the only contact he'd had with anyone from headquarters had been an email from Vance's office, assuring him of a place on Gibbs team if he chose to return. He'd received similar emails at least once a month since his transfer; regretfully, he deleted it like all the others.

As the days went by without a response to his phone calls and messages to Abby, the wild hope he'd felt slowly dimmed and faded into something akin to despair. While she was fiercely loyal, Abby didn't trust people easily; it was fast becoming obvious that he'd shattered her trust in him beyond repair.

Slowly, he let himself settle back into the routine that his sister had once scornfully described as an existence, not a life.

...

McGee grumbled to himself as he opened the door into his apartment building. It was late; he was coming home from one of the few late night stints he'd had to pull in the Norfolk field office, and the small lobby was dark. From the doorway, he could see that the elevator call buttons weren't illuminated. The building was old; the power supply was occasionally unreliable, and it looked like it had gone out. He fumbled in his pack for a flashlight, using it to find his way into the stairwell.

His apartment was on the fourth floor; the flashlight provided only dim illumination, but it was enough for him to make his way slowly up the stairs. He breathed a sigh of relief as he reached his floor, glad that he was fitter now than he was when he was first posted at Norfolk. Stowing the flashlight back in his pack, he started looking through its compartments for his keys. Intent on his search, he didn't see the dark figure huddled against the wall next to his door until he almost tripped over them. Surprised, he grabbed the flashlight out of the pack again and switched it on, shining it over the person he'd almost fallen over.

"Geez, McGee, will you turn that off?"

Squinting at him against the light was Abby.

...

He felt frozen to the spot, not quite able to believe what he was seeing. His mouth was dry and his heart started to race at the sight of her. She stood, looking at him expectantly. When he didn't react, her brow creased in worry and she started to ramble. "I'm sorry to just turn up like this, but I got your address from the DMV and I wanted to see you. But maybe I shouldn't have come..." she trailed off, taking a step or two backwards. He managed to unglue his tongue from the roof of his mouth long enough to say softly "Don't go, Abs."

She turned back towards him. Realising he was still standing there with his keys in his hand, he unlocked the door of his apartment, ushering her inside with the flashlight.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: This is it guys, the final chapter. So much for this being a 6-chapter story lol. **

There was an eerie sense of normality to her being there; she settled herself at the small dining table like it was an everyday thing. He busied himself finding the small hurricane lamp he'd bought after the first time the building had lost power, trying to buy time to pull himself together enough to form a coherent sentence. She'd always had the ability to rattle him, making him stammer like he was still the gawky teenager he used to be. It was worse when she took him by surprise, and this was definitely one of those times.

He brought the lamp over and set it on the table in front of her, lighting it and trimming the wick so that it burned steadily. Then he took a seat across from her, watching her in the glow from the lamp. She was trying to act composed, but the constant fidgety movements of her hands gave her away.

"Why are you here, Abs?"

"I wanted to see you, McGee."

He shot her a look. It was a 150 mile drive from Washington to Norfolk; people didn't just turn up because they wanted to see him. He waited for a few moments, letting her have time to explain. She shifted nervously in her chair before continuing. "I got your message. You and Kathy... it's over, isn't it?" There was an odd, strained note in her voice. He nodded slowly. "Completely." She swallowed; he could dimly see the convulsive movement in her throat. "Did you... do you love her?" He shook his head. "No."

He could see the relief on her face at his simple response. "After you told me about her, McGee, I wanted to hate you. Once you'd gone, I was angry, and hurt." She got up and started pacing around his small living area. "I tried to hate you, Tim. But I missed you too much... everything felt empty again, like when you left." She paused. "Why did you leave?" The words almost burst forth, like she'd kept them pent up. He considered for a moment, choosing his words carefully. "You were so distant. I thought... I thought you'd changed your mind. That you didn't love me."

"I could never not love you, Timmy." There was a small smile on her lips as she said it. He could feel the smile spreading across his face as he stood, taking a few steps towards her. "I love you, Abby. I've always loved you." He knew he was grinning like a fool now, and he could see the answering smile on her face, even in the dim light from the lamp. "Do you-do you think we could try again?" Not giving her time to respond, he rushed on. "I know I haven't exactly treated you right, Abs, and I'm stuck here at least for now, but-" She stopped him, raising one hand slightly. He stammered himself to a stop, watching her. She took two steps closer to him; he could feel the warmth of her skin, and felt his heart start to pound. "Just don't ever leave me again." Her voice was unsteady; he shook his head, her closeness clouding his mind, making it impossible to form words.

Standing like this, her platform boots put her at eye level with him. He leant forward and kissed her gently. She deepened the kiss, pressing herself against him. Finally, when they were both breathing hard, they broke apart. "I don't-"he began. There was a muted click, and suddenly his small kitchen was lit up as the power came back on. Blinking rapidly to adjust to the sudden light, he saw her doing the same thing and laughed a little. "Guess I left the light on." Serious again, he went on "I don't think I could ever leave you again, Abby. These last two years... it felt like part of me was missing the whole time. And we'll take things as slow as you need to; just... just tell me if you get scared."

"What if I don't want to take things slow?" She moved in his arms and he could tell she was nervous again. "Before you left, McGee, you asked me something and I never gave you an answer." He nodded slowly, finding it hard to breathe. It felt like a dream; he kept thinking he'd wake up and none of this would have happened. Huskily he said "I asked you to marry me." She nodded. "Do you still feel the same way, Tim? I know its two years too late, but- "He silenced her with a kiss; his first thought was to tell her it was too much, too soon. Then he looked at her; too soon or not, he knew he didn't want to live without her. Holding her gaze, he dropped to one knee. Two years ago, he'd had a speech planned out in his head; this time, he was lost for words. He settled for the simple. "Marry me, Abs." She reached down and pulled him to his feet again. He could see the glimmer of tears in her eyes. Hardly daring to breathe, he waited for her to reply. Finally she nodded. "Yes, Tim."

He kissed her fiercely, the elation he felt quickly turning to passion. They stood locked together for a long while; finally, trembling and breathing hard, he gently guided her down the short hallway to his bedroom.

...

McGee awoke to the sun streaming through his bedroom window. For the first time in a very long time, he felt genuinely happy. It took him a moment to remember why, then the events of the previous night came flooding back. The blackout. Abby on his doorstep. Her telling him never to leave her again. Asking her to marry him. He kept his eyes closed, afraid that if he opened them it would all turn out to be a dream. Then, telling himself he was being ridiculous, he rolled onto his side and opened his eyes. Abby was occupying the spare side of his bed. He grinned; he never thought he'd be waking up to her again.

All of a sudden he wished he hadn't deleted Vance's latest email; he didn't want to live 2 and a half hours away from Abby. And he wanted his old job back. Work with the MCRT might be exhausting, often frustrating and occasionally dangerous, but he belonged there and he loved it. He needed to go see the head of the field office and put the paperwork for his transfer back to Washington in motion. Then he looked at his fiancée curled up, fast asleep, in his bed and smiled.

It could wait until tomorrow.

**A/N 2: So, what did you think? I've got a prequel to this story roughed out on my laptop, so if you liked this watch out for the new one. I want to try and get some of my works in progress finished before I post the new one, however.**

**Thank you all for reading, and for your reviews :) F.  
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